For there I long to be

this week has been rough. Partly because I have to get up at 5:15 some days, partly because I feel guilty about past deeds, mostly because I know I am deeply hated by someone (who doesn't read this blog anyways). Where does one go when they're haunted by guilt or deeply burdened by a tough situation? I know as a Christian that I'm supposed to go to Jesus because he says "come all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest" and "cast all your cares upon the Lord for he cares for you."

So I pray: "God, you give grace to the weary. I'm supposed to come to you when I am weary. I have no clue what this looks like...what does 'coming to you' look like? What does 'laying all my burdens down at your feet' look like? And what's supposed to happen when I do? Do you fix the problem? I don't really expect you to make the problem go away. I don't think that's how you work. Can I still come to you if I'm not a victim but one who is guilty? So God, I have no clue what I'm supposed to do, how Jesus is supposed to encourage me in this situation, but I 'lay this burden at your feet' anyways. All I know is that I need you, b/c I got nothing."

Even though I didn't know what to say, and doubted anything happening in the first place, I had this rare peace for the rest of the day, including through my incredibly hectic day at work. I was in a great mood for no reason. I was quite shocked really. Praise be to God that he is real and is better than we expect.



"What sweet invitations, the gospel contains,
To men heavy laden, with bondage and chains;
It welcomes the weary, to come and be blessed,
With ease from their burdens, in Jesus to rest."