Ah, what the heck

Let me set the scene:
Friday night. My roommate was gone for the weekend. So I'm alone in my apartment. I was feeling like a loser for random reasons. Not depressed though. I had a "I'm really in the mood to sin" attitude. So I decided I would get incredibly drunk by myself.

Yeah, pathetic. Most intoxicated I've ever been. Regardless how the demeanor of this post may seem, I am not proud of this. But I do believe it brought to mind things worth talking about. The thoughts I had while drunk, I jotted them down just in case I would forget them in the morning:

-I thought how ashamed I'd be if certain people saw me.
Mainly I was thinking of if I were a father and my kids saw me....how scared and disappointed they'd be.

-How i could see why people enjoy drunkenness so much b/c it gives you this 'don't worry, be happy' attitude.
We Christians often say “The world only gets drunk so they can forget their miserable lives.” YES YOU ARE CORRECT! Stop acting like they're so guilty in comparison and realize you would be the same if you did not have the hope of Christ. This should make us long for others to know Christ so that alcohol would no longer be the savior of their problems but rather the transforming person of Jesus. I just hate that we act so above this as if we don't have any problems we want to suppress and would never do such a thing (often not because of anything to do with God but because of how other people would view us).

-How this is like a glimpse of heaven.
woah martin, explain yourself. Drunkenness allows you to lose your inhibitions, not being scared of what people think, being in an incredible mood where you laugh all the time. This doesn’t mean we should get drunk, but I know that when we truly grasp the Gospel, our identity in Christ, and God’s love for us (which may not be until heaven), we will have similar experiences.

- How badly I wished someone could share this liberation and enjoyment with me like my future wife or my good buddies or even my brothers.

- How people reading this would think much less of me and how much I would actually enjoy that....how that would just make me want to show you more of my filth so that i'd have zero self-image and righteousness of my own left to cling to which would force me to cling to Christ and His value being my value because that's all I'd have left. A part of me wants that to happen b/c life would be easier if I didn’t have to spend time worrying about and protecting my image of having all my ducks in a row.

- How the last of the mohicans' theme song is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard

-How amazing meeting Jesus will be and how he himself will wipe the tears from our eyes (rev. 21:4)


The reason I share this with you, the reason this personal stuff gets on my blog instead of a journal, is because I long to be open and not afraid of what other Christians will think. I long for life where Christians are not shocked by each others’ sin, but drawn to it with compassion and understanding. I long for Christians to view each other as “he/she belongs to Jesus” instead of being defined as “he/she has this or that problem or this or that virtue”. Another reason, maybe this will help rid people of the deep seeded belief that real Christians, even though they say they are sinners, don't commit real sins. I’m not telling you this to brag about my sin. I am trying to take this story of depravity and redeem it by making it beneficial to others. I hope you will forgive me for my drunkenness, my self-pity, and this blog post. Maybe more importantly, I hope you will be comforted that other Christians are just as messed up or more messed up than you, so maybe you will be encouraged to hide less, be transparent more.