My incompetence at Snelling Dining Hall

I've had 2 black ladies ask me out at Snelling over the past few months. They both have kids. I told them I don't want to be no baby's daddy. They didn't get it. But neither did I.

If you can picture this in your head, you might chuckle: i'm driving this 20 year old UGA Food Services van today to run an errand for Snelling. As I take a right turn onto East Campus Road, my driver side door flies open, so far open that I cannot reach it. Traffic's not bad, so I continue to try to solve this problem w/o stopping the van. I try the ol' slow down then accelerate real fast trick to fling the door shut. Then I try to hit this guy crossing the street so his body slams the door back. Surprisingly, none of these worked so I stretched my foot out to grab it. It worked. Yea.

Failed Joke told in the Produce/Eggs walk-in cooler:
Waylon: Grab that box of lettuce on top
Martin: That's weird; this lettuce is blushing.
Waylon: huh? blushing?
Martin: yeah i think it saw the salad dressing
Waylon: what?
Martin: nevermind