What’s wrong with me?

I think I’m the most insecure, self-conscious scaredy-cat I know. And it makes me hate myself. I’ll explain.

This morning we had a classroom debate (class size: 35, guy/girl ratio: 1:1, temperature: 70 degrees). Every time I spoke my heart was beating rapidly, my voice was shaky, I could not think clearly. No, it wasn't an intimidating audience. No, there wasn't a hot girl I was trying to impress. It was a completely normal setting...the nervousness was all due to me. Here’s the point: I’m 22! I’ve been in the classroom setting for over 19 years, participating in numerous discussions, questions, etc. I’ve had to raise my hand and give my opinions on things probably over 12,500 times. This is getting old.

Even last night at RUF large group Bible study, when I spoke up (3 or 4 times) or asked a question, I experienced the same nervousness as I do in the classroom.

And I’ve had all the practice in the world when it comes to speaking in front of people. I’ve gotten to lead over 20 small group Bible studies, taught eight 30+ min. lessons to youth groups, taught College Sunday School (around 20 peers in the group) 7 or 8 times, and I’ve had to get up in front of over 100 people about ten times. They say that the more practice you get doing oral presentations, speeches, etc., the less nervous you get. How much more practice can I get??? I'm starting to give up hope.

My problem is not getting any better. My question is why? Yeah my fear of man is much greater than it needs to be, but I don't know how to change it. Maybe I need to just grow up and be a man. But how do you do that? Do I need to go kill a squirrel w/ my bare hands and eat it? Put myself in the position for public speeches so I can get over it? Already done it. Any suggestions on how I can stop sucking?